About oneself, my self
How hard it is to express your thought/feelings about something?
I'm sharing some articles coz i'm one of these people..
Not everyone finds expressing their feelings easy or having it come naturally. While the stereotype is that men have the hardest time expressing their emotions, everyone at one time or another in their life may find it difficult to say how they feel.
Learning why you have trouble expressing your feelings can go a long way into changing that behavior. Saying how you feel is something you can learn how to do, just as readily as you can learn how to fix a faucet or mend a button on a shirt. Here are ten common reasons why people find it difficult to express their emotions to someone else.
1. Conflict Phobia
You are afraid of angry feelings or conflicts with people. You may believe that people with good relationships should not engage in verbal “fights” or intense arguments. In addition, you may believe that disclosing your thoughts and feelings to those you care about would result in their rejection of you. This is sometimes referred to as the “ostrich phenomenon” — burying your head in the sand instead of addressing relationship problems.
2. Emotional Perfectionism
You believe that you should not have feelings such as anger, jealousy, depression, or anxiety. You think you should always be rational and in control of your emotions. You are afraid of being exposed as weak and vulnerable. You believe that people will belittle or reject you if they know how you really feel.
3. Fear of Disapproval and Rejection
You are so terrified by rejection and ending up alone that you would rather swallow your feelings and put up with some abuse than take the chance of making anyone mad at you. You feel an excessive need to please people and to meet what you perceive to be their expectations. You are afraid that people would not like you if you expressed your thoughts and feelings.
4. Passive-Aggressive Behavior
You pout and hold your hurt or angry feelings inside instead of disclosing what you feel. You give others the silent treatment, which is inappropriate, and a common strategy to elicit feelings of guilt (on their part).
You are convinced that your relationship cannot improve no matter what you do. You may feel that you have already tried everything and nothing works. You may believe that your spouse (or partner) is just too stubborn and insensitive to be able to change. These positions represent a self-fulfilling prophecy–once you give up, an established position of hopelessness supports your predicted outcome.
6. Low Self-Esteem
You believe that you are not entitled to express your feelings or to ask others for what you want. You think you should always please other people and meet their expectations.
You believe that you have the right to say what you think and feel when you are upset. (Generally, feelings are best expressed during a calm and structured or semi-structured exchange.) Structuring your communication does not result in a perception that you are “faking” or attempting to inappropriately manipulate others.
8. Mind Reading
You believe that others should know how you feel and what you need (although you have not disclosed what you need). The position that individuals close to you can “divine” what you need provides an excuse to engage in non-disclosure, and thereafter, to feel resentful because people do not appear to care about your needs.
You are afraid to admit that you are angry, hurt, or resentful because you do not want to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing that her or his behavior is unacceptable. Taking pride in controlling your emotions and experiencing hurt or resentment does not support clear and functional communication.
10. Need to Solve Problems
When you have a conflict with an individual (i.e., your needs are not being met), avoiding the associated issues is not a functional solution. Disclosing your feelings and being willing to listen without judgment to the other is constructive.
1. Identifying Your Emotions
Accept your feelings. Before you can do anything else, you have to recognize and accept that you are going to have feelings and that those feelings are okay. What you are going to have to learn is how those feelings operate in your daily life and how you can deal with/express them more productively. Ask yourself the three following questions:
Learn to recognize your feelings. Everyone's way of feeling is different. Sadness, anger, excitement all are presented in different ways for each individual. Taking the time when you're not emotionally triggered to think about your feelings can be useful for when they pop up.
Pay attention to your body's response. Your emotions are governed by the limbic system in the brain and and the involuntary, autonomic nervous system. In times of emotional distress you might experience increased heart-rate, increased, shallow breathing, perspiration, and trembling. Your body's reaction to emotion can have very real side effects.
Interpret your emotional response to events. A good mantra to repeat to yourself is "it isn't the situation, it's my response to the situation that causes problems." Events that you experience are influenced by your own thoughts and experiences, which means that the emotional reaction comes from you.
2. Expressing Your Emotions Appropriately
Practice experimental focus. You need to learn to tune into your body so you understand what it is trying to tell you and how it is reacting to certain circumstances. This means setting aside time to calmly assess and identify your feelings and thought patterns.
Consider your options. You need to realize that first and foremost, how you express your feelings is a choice that only you can make. There is no one absolutely true way to express yourself, although there are ways that are harmful both to yourself, and to others.
Express your emotions verbally. This can mean finding someone you trust to talk out the situation and the accompanying emotions, this can mean writing things down in a journal, or writing poetry. Or it can mean talking with someone who you feel caused you feel sadness, or anger, or other emotion.
Express your emotions physically. Because our emotions are linked to our physical bodies, using your body to express and diffuse your emotions can be incredibly helpful (think expressions like "jumping for joy," etc).